Uncategorized

New Products – Dollibox

Hey guys, I know I haven’t been sticking to schedule recently but my body is not co-operating with me.  I’ll write when I can and just want to say thank you for reading/following/good vibes…everything really.

OK, so this weeks new product will be a first impressions of this months Dollibox.  For those of you who have never heard of Dollibox, it is a beauty subscription service.  You pay £10 + £3.90 p&p for five products every months.  There are pre-pay plans which makes it a little cheaper e.g If you take out the 3 month subscription the box works out £9.50 per box.  The contents can range from deluxe sample sizes to full size products and they are always a surprise.  There is no contract.  They do ship outside the UK (I would expect delivery to be more).

This was the contents of my August box:

20883264_287261385089575_1276418374_o

  1. Meow Lashes
  2. Technic Colourfix Blush & Bronze palette
  3. Egg Face Mask
  4. Space Mask
  5. Awake Organics Aura Clean Deodorant

 

meao

These lashes are made with 100% mink hair.  They can be brought from http://www.meowlashes.com for £10.95. The site claims they can be used between 20-25 times with proper care.  They state the mink hairs are ethically sourced but I cannot say these are cruelty free.  They do feel very soft and I love the style that I have received, I haven’t worn them yet so I can’t say how comfortable they are but I am happy they were included, it’s not something I would have brought myself.

deo

I have never heard of a natural deodorant actually working (feel free to leave me a comment if you have).  I’ve tried a little bit of this product on the back of my hand, it feels very gritty.  Once it melts into the skin it does make the skin feel a lot smoother. There is a lovely clean, spa like scent to it but I don’t think it would be to everyone’s taste.  It does not tell me how much product is in the pot (just travel size) but 30g is £12.99 on their site at the moment (www.awakeorganics.com).  It also says this is not an antiperspirant so will not stop perspiration.  This is probably something I will never reach for.

mask

I love a good face mask. I can never have to many, I even have my husband doing them with me! The Egg Face Mask sounds right up my street. It is more tailored for those with oily skin which if I’m honest, I could fry an egg on my face the amount of oil I produce.  The spacemask is a warming eye mask said to relieve tired and strained eyes.  Sounds interesting!  The egg mask retails at £4.00 in http://www.thisisbeautymark.com and you can get the space masks for £15.00 for 5 at http://www.spacemasks.com.

This is not something I was excited about.  Don’t get me wrong, most Technic products are great for the price point but I prefer powder products when it comes to blush, contour and bronzing.  They are really creamy, pigment is nice and easily blended.  A good product, doesn’t blow me away but retailing at £4.99 from http://www.techniccosmetics.com, will do the job!

Verdict: If I walked into a shop, saw these products in a bundle for £13.90 would I buy it? No I wouldn’t, you’re not getting a bad deal but other than the face mask, there is nothing I’m jumping for joy over.  Yes, the lashes are pretty, and the palette is a full size product but I’m still underwhelmed.  Maybe I’m expecting too much. I think I’ll save my money one product that wows me rather than five that are “meh”.

What do you guys think? Does the Dollibox interest you at all?

Uncategorized

“A Load Of Rubbish” – Make Up For Ever Ultra HD

Just the one empty this week and currently the only foundation that I have finished in the past year or so.  The Make Up Forever Ultra HD.

This was a case of the YouTube made me buy it.  I have acne and rosacea and look for anything that will cover it.  Watching a few videos around a year ago and this was the foundation everyone was talking about so I spoke nicely to my husband and ordered it.

foundation

Price: £30 for 30ml of product

Claims: Creates a naturally flawless complexion, on and off camera.   Medium to buildable coverage with a lighter weight formula.

How to use: If you would like sheer coverage you are best using a stippling brush.  For more buildable coverage, you can use a sponge to press and roll the foundation onto skin.  A foundation brush can also be used to layer it on.

What one pump looks like (it does come with a pump which is a big plus) and how it looks sheered out with my finger.  This is the shade R230 Ivory:

 

Ingredients: Cyclopentasiloxane, Aqua (Water), PEG-10 Dimethicone, Neopentyl Glycol Diethlhexanoate, Talc, Mica, Phenyl Trimethicone, Sodium Chloride, Lauroyl Lysine, Dimenthicone Crosspolymer, Methylpropanediol, Glyceryl Caprylate, Propanediol, Disteardimonium Hectorite, Sucrose Palmitate, Phenoxyethanol, Sodium Myristoyl Glutamate, Alumina, Cyclohexasiloxane, Proplene Carbonate, Pentylene Glycol, Sorbitan Sesquioleate, Evodia Rutaecarpa Fruit Extract, Tocopheryl Acetate, Glyceryl Linoleate, Aluminum Hydroxide, Glyercin, Parfum (Fragrance), Benzyl Alcohol, Benzyl Benzoate, Citric Acid, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Hyaluronate, Tin Oxide, BHT, Tocopherol [ /- CI 19140 (Yellow, Yellow 5 Lake), CI 42090 (Blue 1 Lake), CI 77007 (Ultramarine), CI 77163 (Bismuth Oxychloride), CI 77491, CI 77492, CI 77499 (Iron Oxides), CI 77891 (Titanium Oxide)].

Is this product cruelty free? In short, no.  Make Up Forever sell their products in china where the law states you have to test on animals.

Verdict: This is a nice foundation.  It is buildable and I love the fact is comes in 40 shades so it will suit most skin tones, however, it is not full coverage.  I would say sheer but can build to medium.  It is very comfortable to wear, no heavy feeling and no oxidation (on me anyway.) I do not think it is suited to my skin type (very oily). My face pretty much melts off within 2-3 hours.

Would I repurchase?:  This foundation is not for me.  You need to have very little imperfections on your skin.  I feel it is more suited to those who are on the drier side of skin types.  If that sounds like you though I would recommend it to you.  I’ve used it on a few others and it sat on their skin like a dream!

anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Uncategorized

Pick’n’Mix – Mental Health

A little warning that this may contain triggers for some people.

My pick’n’mix for today is more of a release for myself.  I’ve stated before that I’ve been diagnosed with clinic depression and anxiety.  I’m feeling very up and down at the moment.

I don’t have many people in my life in the way of friends.  Most people who get to know me can’t stand me after a while (boo hoo I know but true none the less).  There are two girls which I can call friends, both accept me for me but only one of them I can really “open up” too.  I also have my husband, who is a saint! I’ve sent him to hell and back again and again and he’s always been their for me, no questions asked and no hesitations.  I’ve also two amazing kids.  I know every Mummy says that but they truly are, don’t get me wrong they’re hard work, I’m pulling my hair out on a daily basis but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  They’re worth every second!

I’ve tried to socialize.  Nothing ever sticks though…If by some miracle I haven’t backed out of a night out, I’m usually so much of an awkward bumbling mess that people can’t talk to me anyway.  I don’t really want to have lots of friends.  A lot of people who have been my “friend” have ended up being total dicks, turns out I don’t like people anyway.  I just wish I didn’t feel so lonely, makes no sense but I never did.

My day is usually just me and the kids at home.  My husband works nights so sleeps during most of the day.  We are also currently saving for a house and it’s only his wage coming into the house.  I haven’t work in around 7 1/2 years.

Trust me though I want to.  I want to contribute, I don’t want to be a dependent.  Between my mental and physical health (Fibro Warrior) I don’t know if it will ever be possible. I have my good days where I can bring the kids out and make some amazing memories with them. Then I have my bad days…days where my husband has to carry me home as my knee has given in or I’ve taken a panic attack due to too many people around me.  I don’t just sit on my ass though.  I’ve gotten a diploma in personal beauty and makeup artistry along with a diploma in gel nails.  I’ve also gained a few key skills such as working with others and communications.  It’s not a laziness thing with me even though a lot of people see it that way.

Where I come from (Belfast) mental health is a big taboo.  The mere mention of depression and your seen as a crazy person, or someone who has to suck it up and get on with it.  I’m not saying this is every single person, but it is a lot.  I hear of someone taken their own life almost ever other week.  Their needs to be more funding for help for those who need it.

If one of my family members came across this blog they’d tell me to take it down.  Things like this have always been brushed under the carpet.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m quite close to my mum, dad and sister.  I don’t go very deep though and I think at this point I couldn’t.  My closest friend once said to me it’s easier trying to get blood out of a stone than to get me to talk.  That always stuck with me, for a lot of different reasons. Ironically, none of which I’m comfortable talking about right now.

I’ve written pages like this before.  I’ve never had the guts to hit the publish button.  I always think people will just assume I’m looking for attention or pity.  I’m not doing either.  Just hoping this will clear a bit of fog up in my min.

If you’ve read to the end of this, well done!  This has been a lot of writing with no real point.  Thank you for taking some of your time to read it and especially if you don’t leave anything negative.

If your feeling low or depressed please talk to someone.  Take some of the weight of your shoulders and let someone else carry some, It’ll help.  It can be anyone, a doctor, a friend or even leave me a wee message (best getting me on Instagram though, still don’t really know how to use this thing)…having someone to listen can help more than you think.

 

Uncategorized

More Rubbish!

Following on from my last empties blog, I’m going to change things up a bit.  I have two eyebrow pencils which are completely empty and i’m going to battle them out to see which is the better product.  This could work out rather well or I’ll be pulling my hair out in a few hours as I can’t get it written up the way I want.  Either way, lets give it a go.

The two products which I’m comparing are the Goof Proof Brow Pencil from Benefit and the Brow Artist Xpert from L’Oreal.

20615417_282254265590287_362173341_o

I have enjoyed using both these products.  They both glide on smoothly, they do not smudge over the face and are pretty to use.

goof.jpg

Name: Goof Proof Brow Pencil

Price: £10.50 for 0.2grams of product

Claims: A 12 hour, waterproof formula which makes it super easy to fill and shape your eyebrows with its glide on formula.

How to use: Use the wide part of the tip to fill and shape your brows.  Build your colour with light strokes.  Use the pointed end to define the “tail” of your brow and then blend with a spoolie. Or don’t, I’m not the eyebrow police do what you like, this is just what it says to do.

This product is tested on animals.

Verdict: This is great product, I have never had a bad brow day with it.  This was a deluxe sample so there was little product in it and do not know I would pay £20 for the full size.  If you can afford that then go for it.  The packaging is very cute, light and practical.  There are a good range of colours (I used number 6). Other than price, I don’t have a bad thing to say about it.

lor

Name: Brow Artist Xpert

Price: £5.99. I would include the grams of the product but I can’t find that information, another blogger stated it was 10g but that seems a lot to me.  I even asked an advisor on the L’Oreal site and they couldn’t tell me either.  You might not care but I like to include that information just to see if you’re getting your moneys worth.brow

Claims: The 1st retractable brow pencil from L’Oreal for perfectly defined, fuller looking brows.

How to use: Use the triangular shape tip for precise application then use the spoolie to blend the hairs into place

This product is tested on animals.

Verdict: For the price, you can’t beat this product. It’s not as smooth as some other pencils I have used, and do not roll it up any further than you have too or it will break.  It will still give you nice, natural brows with minimal effort.  The shape of the tip makes it very easy to make smaller strokes (that’s what he said) which I like as I don’t like my eyebrows so blockly looking.

So…who wins? Both these products perform great in my eyes.  I love the look of brows and the shape of the pencil.  Benefit wins on the packaging side, I lost the lids of the L’Oreal pencil after about two days.  L’Oreal wins on price, although I don’t know by how much cause I can’t find how much grams is in it.  Benefit wins in texture, it’s exactly as the name says, Goof Proof! L’Oreal wins in colour selection with 8 shades (Benefit has 6).

L’OREAL GETS IT! But not by much, if you don’t mind spending £20 on a brow product then go for it, you do you! If your like me and it would make you cry forking over the cash, the Brow Artist will not disappoint.  On the plus side, with the money you save you can always buy more makeup…or pizza! xx

 

beauty, eyeshadow, Makeup, New product, Uncategorized

New Products – ABH Subculture

nSo unless you’ve been living under a rock or have a life and not glued to the internet like me, you’ll know that this palette is creating a lot of heated debates.  Some claim that they have hit pan on their first usage, some claim that it just does not blend. I have even heard a few people say it has oxidized on them.  After reading and watching a lot of reviews i’m trying to keep an open mind.  I fall in love with the modern renaissance palette every time I use it so I still have high hopes for Subculture.

After receiving it today am I still as excited? Yes and no…

paletter

So, here it is…isn’t it beautiful!

First of all let me give you a few details about this palette.  I ordered it of http://www.anastasiabeverlyhills.co.uk on the day of release (24th July) and received it today (1st August).  I paid £42 and got free shipping as the site offers this if you spend over £25 (score)!  In this palette you get 11 mattes and 3 shimmers which add up to 7 grams of products.  This palette is cruelty free but some colours do contain carmine so it is not vegan.  It has a 6 months self life.

I swatched with the brush as I feel anyone can make a nice finger swatch but that’s not how you apply it.  Its a nice brush, not scratchy but not really soft either.  Does the job.  I also used primer on my arm before swatching.  This also shows the wear down off these shadows, pretty impressive after around 8 hours wear time.

First Impressions:

Once I opened the palette i noticed two shades where slightly damaged. May not seem like a lot for most people but I don’t get to purchase much high products so it was a bit of a bummer.  I got over it though, first world problems an all that…

I’m not gonna lie, I was nervous to use this palette, I had very high expectations for it. After using the first few shadows though I quickly got over it.  The trick is DO NOT dig/swirl your brush into these pans. You’ll just end up with a dusty mess for no reason. The smallest bit goes a long way with these.  A simple tap into the pan is enough.  The pigment is just gorgeous.  You will need a setting spray/fix+ for the shimmers for there full potential but that’s true for most shimmers in my opinion.  No matter what you do you will get kickback, there’s no way around but its not as bad as everyone is making out.  I have experienced fallout with the shimmers (very minimal) but none for the mattes.

I did find most of these shadows fairly easy to blend. There was a bit of skipping with the purple shade (Rowdy) but other than that I had no problems.

I am really enjoying playing with this palette.  The colours are not like anything I own and I feel you can make so many different looks from everyday chic to all out glam!

I do not know if their has been a bad batch with this release or what the deal is.  Some of the reviews are exaggerated in my opinion, I feel that some reviewers are purposely digging into the palettes to jump on the bandwagon and add to the negativity.  I also feel that the company have been dealt with the backlash really well and Norvina (Anastasia’s daughter) has made so many public comments stating that they are trying to fix the problems.  I feel they dealt with things in a very professional manner.

Based on what I’ve used today would I recommend this palette. Yes I would.  I feel the pigmentation and wear time is amazing.  If you are a beauty enthusiast/collector I think you will get a lot of enjoyment from Subculture.  I love the colours and I hope whatever issues their are, that the company can sort them soon.

Has anyone else dealt with any of the issues with this palette?  What do you think of the colour selection? Will you be purchasing when it comes back in stock?

 

beauty, Kat Von D, Makeup, Perfume, Uncategorized

My Wish List – Kat Von D

My hubby has taken the kids out for a little treat day and i’m home alone for the first time in about a year, nothing to do with this blog but i’m telling everyone as it’s total bliss!!

So as you can see from my title, today i’m blogging about my wish list. I’m not doing the full list as there isn’t enough days in the week to cover that so I thought I would break it up into brands…makes it a bit easier to read rather than soaking in 100’s of products.  Today’s list will be from Kat Von D who has truly made a name in the beauty industry.  All Kat Von D products are cruelty free.

I would also like to add this is a wishlist yes BUT i’m really happy with the things I already have.  My kids come first as it should be so if any of these products do happen to fall into my shopping basket, i will be running up walls with excitement, but if they don’t, then i’m quite happy playing with the other 500 pieces of makeup i own :-).

Sorry, off topic again, lets get into some products!!

Saint Eau De Parfum – £52 for 50ml 

saits

I currently have 32 bottles of perfume in my collection ranging from the likes of Morgan Love to Coco Chanel. I have a slight addictive personalty lol.

I would love to add this to my collection, the bottle itself is just all round stunning.  This is not something you would just get rid off once the fragrance is gone, this would be on display on my vanity for years to come.

A very feminine scent but not to overpowering, it is described as “a bouquet of jasmine and tiaré flower with notes of mandarin, caramel and sparkling mirabelle plum, vanilla, sandalwood and creamy musk build to the romance of the perfume.” Anything with vanilla is a win for me! It is a little on the pricey side being on par with the prices of Mugler Alien and Viktor and Rolf Flowerbomb but I honestly think it’s worth it.  Kat von D being a higher end brand in itself I would not expect a sub-par product and this does not fall short.  Maybe Santa will bring it for me in December.  Next up is…

Lock-it Foundation and concealer – £27 for 30mls/£20 for 6.25g

 

 

I have swatched this foundation on the back of my hand and I must say, it is extremely creamy, very pigmented and sets in place very quickly.  I have acne rosacea and very oily skin and i’m always looking for the holy grail foundation that will help cover my scares and blemishes. I have heard this is a very heavy foundation and you can definitely feel it on the skin which I know a lot of people do not like, doesn’t bother me though if I get the desired results.

The concealer is said to be very high coverage, not so great for under eye highlight as can crease but I’d like to try it for spot covering.  These products may be a bit over budget for some people but I have always believed if you get your base right, then you can save money with the likes of eye-shadows and blushes etc…some drug store options can be just as good as higher end.  The foundation and concealer is vegan.

Shade and Light Contour Palette – £37 for 20 grams 

countour pallet

This is not needed for everyone. Containing warm, neutral and cool shades this palette is more for a makeup artist who can use all these powders and get their moneys worth. Not that i’m telling you what to buy, i’m no practising makeup artist and still want this so what do it know?  I have seen this in use 100’s of times on YouTube and cannot see any negatives in this product. The pans are big, it blends like a dream, a little bit of kickback but this just shows good pigment in my eyes. Being extremely pale I feel like the cool shade would be perfect.  There is even a guild sheet to help with application if you feel a bit lost with what to do with it.  Carmine is not an ingredient in the newer pallets which makes it vegan, The newer pallets are also refillable which is also a huge thumbs up!

I have a few products from Kat Von D (picture of them in my featured image) and have been very impressed with her products.  I cannot wait to add to my collection.

Phew, well done if you got through all that.  I would love to know if i’m missing out on a stable product from her, let me know in the comments please and thanks for reading. xx

 

 

beauty, beauty gurus, Makeup, Uncategorized, youtube

Pick’n’Mix

Friday’s are not going to have a theme.  As I also sometimes blog about mental health i’m leaving this day open.

Today though i’m going to be writing about my top favorite beauty you-tubers (also know as beauty gurus).

It may not be an interesting topic for some of you but you cannot argue with the fact that YouTube has changed the beauty industry. With millions of videos out there on makeup tutorials and product reviews, their is sure to be someone who you would enjoy watching (if your into beauty, otherwise it might be a waste of time, duh Gina!).

My top three do not have millions in the way of subscribers, they may not be the most extravagant or have the highest value equipment but they are unbiased, give a lot of information and I just love them.

shephaine nicole

  1. Stephanie Nicole – This woman is my idol. Shes not super energetic or over the top but she gives you all the information you could possibly need on products.  She has so much knowledge on skin care and makeup ingredients and every time I watch her I learn so much.  She has also never accepted money from any company which makes me trust her so much more (though i’m not saying there is anything wrong with that).  Her humor is quite dry (which I personally love) and the only thing I dislike is that she doesn’t upload as regularly as others. She is employed in the beauty industry and has explained how busy her job makes her so i’ll let her away with it though :-).  She also goes out of her way to response to the many questions asked on her Instagram/YouTube channel.  I could just binge on her videos all day!

Stephanies’s YouTube Channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcjxyzWCYXGstZeUfHfM6Hg

jen

2. Jen Luvs Reviews – I honestly don’t know how this lady does it! The effort and content in each and every video she makes is astounding to me.  A very different approach to videos, she does “the makeup minute” almost every weekday which contains all the important news and product releases in the industry.  She has a Facebook group called Whats up in makeup (which i love being apart of) which is just an amazing community for people swapping information and advice.  Her product reviews contain so much including ingredient analyses and demos.  She does a live chat every week which is just like having a catch up with an old friend.  See deserves so many more subscribers and i’m so glad I found her channel.

Jen’s YouTube Channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR96_hHJu3HE6vmu39_bRAw3.

wayne goss

Wayne Goss – If your looking for no fluff, straight to the point videos that don’t take up half of your day to watch then this is the guy for you.  His has so many videos from contouring to product reviews to skincare.  He can teach you so much more than just “Instagram” makeup looks.  He doesn’t just stick with makeup trends and will give you makeup tips that you can use for years to come.

Wayne’s YouTube Channel: 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCvoAe__WFYMNAEN-C-CtYA

Have you ever heard of any of these guys?  I’d love to hear about some of your favorite you-tubers if you have any. 🙂 xx

 

 

beauty, eyeshadow, glitter, Makeup, Uncategorized

Favorites In The Beauty World

Two Blogs in two days? how organised am I!!

So I’m thinking on a Thursday i’ll be reviewing some of my favorite products. Some of these things i’m sure you will have heard off and seen 1000’s of times but some will surprise you. This first one I almost never hear about online:

Barry M’s Dazzle Dust!

I love playing with this stuff. Its so much fun and can be used in so many different ways to create so many different looks. It can be a bit messy, lets face it, most loose powders like are but it’s so worth it. It’s best to do your eye look before your foundation though in case of fallout. Its safe enough to be used on eyes, lips and cheeks and is also vegan and cruelty free.

Here is a picture of just a few from my collection.

dazzle dust for blog

 

(What I used for the swatches, the brush was wet) tools used

Unfortunately Barry M’s selection used to be a lot bigger. A lot of the shades are now unavailable BUT keep and eye out in your local pound world as sometimes the odd one comes in.

Otherwise, they can be brought from Superdrug, Boots or the Barry M’s website for £4.59. They go on offer quite a bit as well, as I write this they are 3 for 2 in Boots and if you spend £7 on Barry M in Superdrug you can get a free nail polish (which are also awesome).  Even without an offer, in my opinion you can’t beat that pigmentation…it’s very much worth the full price!

eye look An eye look using 96 and 66 (and other colours for transition)

The wear time is also great, I went to my niece’s birthday party for around 8 hours and it had barely faded.

If you love glitter, if you love sparkle and even if you just love to experiment with different colours I highly recommend these.

 

 

beauty, empties, Makeup, primer, Uncategorized

What a load of rubbish!

It has been a REALLY long time since I’ve even looked at my blog but I want to get back at it.  Here goes nothing…

One of my favorite things to watch on YouTube is empties, probably because i’m so nosy and want to see what everyone is buying.  It’s also a great way of saving a few £££ as the you-tuber has done the testing so you don’t have too! I’m now going start my own mini series of empties, including makeup, beauty and skincare.

I hope if you stumble upon my little blog you find it enjoyable 🙂

First up, Sleek Control Shine & Prime Primer

primer

Price: £7.99 for 15ml

Claims: This primer claims to control oil and mattify the skin while minimising pores and skin imperfections. It is a lightweight formula, velvety texture which once applied is undetectable on the skin.  It also claims to prolong the wear of your foundation.

How to use:  Pat into the skin with your fingertips starting from the center going outwards. Can be used on its own or under makeup.

Ingredients: Dimethicone Crosspolymer, Silica, Dimethicone, Cyclopentasiloxane, Isononyl Isononanoate, Isododecane, Polymethylmethacrylate, VP/Hexadecene, Copolymer, Trimethysiloxysilicate, Mica, Phenoxyethanol, Caprylyl, Glycol, Titanium Dioxide (77891), Iron Oxide Yellow(77492), Iron Oxide Red (77491), Iron Oxide Black (77499)

It this product cruelty free?:  Yes

texture

 

My Verdict: This product is very hit and miss with me. I absolutely hated the first time I tried it due to its texture. When you rub it into the skin it can ball up which I didn’t like either.  Its true that it does blur pores, this is most likely due to its high dimethicone content.  I have VERY oily skin and do not feel it helped with the wear time of my foundation. It leave skin very soft but again, this will be down to the dimethicone which you can find in most primers. It did help my foundation sit nicely on the skin for the first few hours of wear time.

Would I repurchase? In short, no.  There are a few products from sleek which I love but this falls short in too many areas.  There is not a lot of product but it will last longer than you think as you only need a small amount. I feel that you can get better primers for around the same price point.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Uncategorized

An open letter to my mental health

Dear Depression:

I hate what you have made me.  I hate feeling worthless and pathetic.  I hate having no energy to play with my kids or cook for my husband.  I hate that takes every piece of strength in me to get out of bed in the mornings. I hate that I comfort eat so much! I hate that I can’t find any happiness in my day to day life anymore! I hate that you have so much control over me. I hate that you no matter what pills I take or therapies I try, you still won’t go away! I hate being this empty person! I hate that I think you are going to win.

Dear anxiety:

Why do you have so much control over me? Why can’t I talk to people? Why do I have to play out every possible and impossible scenario in my head before I make a decision on anything? Why can’t I look people in the eye? Why can’t I be in a crowd? Why do you mess up most good things in my life? Why do you influence every single move I make!! Why can’t I just shake you off and get on with important things?

Dear self esteem:

I don’t think I ever knew you.  I have grown up in a place where looks are so important. I’ll never forget when I was a teenager and a group of guys stopped playing there football match to laugh at my face.  I’ve never been seen as pretty. Its something I’ve always wanted to be (vein I know but I can’t help it).  I have have brains either….and my psychical health is also awful. I don’t have much going for me!

Dear Reader:

This was a big pity party for myself!  Sometimes writing things out can really help!  So that’s what I did….not sure if its worked yeat. I know there are lots of people who feel like I do.  I truly hope that if you do, you can find the beauty off yourself.  You can find the happiness in your life.  Thank you so much for reading this, I know it’s a bit long winded!  Lots of love and gentle hugs to you all!