I hate what you have made me. I hate feeling worthless and pathetic. I hate having no energy to play with my kids or cook for my husband. I hate that takes every piece of strength in me to get out of bed in the mornings. I hate that I comfort eat so much! I hate that I can’t find any happiness in my day to day life anymore! I hate that you have so much control over me. I hate that you no matter what pills I take or therapies I try, you still won’t go away! I hate being this empty person! I hate that I think you are going to win.
Why do you have so much control over me? Why can’t I talk to people? Why do I have to play out every possible and impossible scenario in my head before I make a decision on anything? Why can’t I look people in the eye? Why can’t I be in a crowd? Why do you mess up most good things in my life? Why do you influence every single move I make!! Why can’t I just shake you off and get on with important things?
Dear self esteem:
I don’t think I ever knew you. I have grown up in a place where looks are so important. I’ll never forget when I was a teenager and a group of guys stopped playing there football match to laugh at my face. I’ve never been seen as pretty. Its something I’ve always wanted to be (vein I know but I can’t help it). I have have brains either….and my psychical health is also awful. I don’t have much going for me!
This was a big pity party for myself! Sometimes writing things out can really help! So that’s what I did….not sure if its worked yeat. I know there are lots of people who feel like I do. I truly hope that if you do, you can find the beauty off yourself. You can find the happiness in your life. Thank you so much for reading this, I know it’s a bit long winded! Lots of love and gentle hugs to you all!