Pick’n’Mix – Still feeling worthless

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my last blog and another thank you to everyone who left a comment.

I wish I could say my feelings have changed.  Most of the time when I go off on one like that the next day I’m fine again and back to daily life.  This time though my feelings haven’t changed.  I’m trying to fight through for the sake of my family…I don’t want my mood to effect them.  Which I know it does.  Feels like I’m forever snapping and shouting for no reason at all. It’s killing me so much yeah I can’t seem to stop.

I have nothing to contribute to the world.  I have no great talents, I don’t work, I feel like the biggest hindrance 24/7.  Is their anyway to get these thoughts to stop?  Maybe I don’t deserve for them to stop, that’s why they’re always here.

Fed up, pissed off, trapped and don’t see anyway out….

 

 

Pick’n’Mix – Depression

I’m struggling.  I feel as if God is testing me.  I want to punch something over and over again until my knuckles bleed.  I want to scream and cry and have a complete meltdown, but I can’t.  I have to bottle it all up as if I let the smallest bit out then my kids will see. Every part of me hurts.  I can hardly stand.  I just want to be left alone.  I don’t want help anymore, it never works.  I’m never going to get release.  I’m just going to have to come to terms that my thoughts, my emotions don’t matter.  Every time I think off myself, things get worse.

For now on I’m here just for help for other people, for my husband and my kids.  This is what I’m around for.  I need to get to a place where I’m o.k so they can be better.  So I can support them and nurture them, help them get the best out of their life as they deserve the best.

I’m sick and tired of crying.  I don’t want to do it anymore.  I’m so frustrated that I can’t just shut down…just let go and function the same as a robot. Do what I’m suppose to do and that’s it.  The next day comes and do it all again.

I bet none of this even made sense.  To who ever reads it, sorry for filling your head with nonsense.  I thought writing might make things clearer, in this instance it has not.  Now back to life, where I must cook, clean and forget I exist.

 

 

New Products – Dollibox

Hey guys, I know I haven’t been sticking to schedule recently but my body is not co-operating with me.  I’ll write when I can and just want to say thank you for reading/following/good vibes…everything really.

OK, so this weeks new product will be a first impressions of this months Dollibox.  For those of you who have never heard of Dollibox, it is a beauty subscription service.  You pay £10 + £3.90 p&p for five products every months.  There are pre-pay plans which makes it a little cheaper e.g If you take out the 3 month subscription the box works out £9.50 per box.  The contents can range from deluxe sample sizes to full size products and they are always a surprise.  There is no contract.  They do ship outside the UK (I would expect delivery to be more).

This was the contents of my August box:

1. Meow Lashes
2. Technic Colourfix Blush & Bronze palette
3. Egg Face Mask
4. Space Mask
5. Awake Organics Aura Clean Deodorant

 

These lashes are made with 100% mink hair.  They can be brought from http://www.meowlashes.com for £10.95. The site claims they can be used between 20-25 times with proper care.  They state the mink hairs are ethically sourced but I cannot say these are cruelty free.  They do feel very soft and I love the style that I have received, I haven’t worn them yet so I can’t say how comfortable they are but I am happy they were included, it’s not something I would have brought myself.

I have never heard of a natural deodorant actually working (feel free to leave me a comment if you have).  I’ve tried a little bit of this product on the back of my hand, it feels very gritty.  Once it melts into the skin it does make the skin feel a lot smoother. There is a lovely clean, spa like scent to it but I don’t think it would be to everyone’s taste.  It does not tell me how much product is in the pot (just travel size) but 30g is £12.99 on their site at the moment (www.awakeorganics.com).  It also says this is not an antiperspirant so will not stop perspiration.  This is probably something I will never reach for.

I love a good face mask. I can never have to many, I even have my husband doing them with me! The Egg Face Mask sounds right up my street. It is more tailored for those with oily skin which if I’m honest, I could fry an egg on my face the amount of oil I produce.  The spacemask is a warming eye mask said to relieve tired and strained eyes.  Sounds interesting!  The egg mask retails at £4.00 in http://www.thisisbeautymark.com and you can get the space masks for £15.00 for 5 at http://www.spacemasks.com.

This is not something I was excited about.  Don’t get me wrong, most Technic products are great for the price point but I prefer powder products when it comes to blush, contour and bronzing.  They are really creamy, pigment is nice and easily blended.  A good product, doesn’t blow me away but retailing at £4.99 from http://www.techniccosmetics.com, will do the job!

Verdict: If I walked into a shop, saw these products in a bundle for £13.90 would I buy it? No I wouldn’t, you’re not getting a bad deal but other than the face mask, there is nothing I’m jumping for joy over.  Yes, the lashes are pretty, and the palette is a full size product but I’m still underwhelmed.  Maybe I’m expecting too much. I think I’ll save my money one product that wows me rather than five that are “meh”.

What do you guys think? Does the Dollibox interest you at all?

“A Load Of Rubbish” – Make Up For Ever Ultra HD

Just the one empty this week and currently the only foundation that I have finished in the past year or so.  The Make Up Forever Ultra HD.

This was a case of the YouTube made me buy it.  I have acne and rosacea and look for anything that will cover it.  Watching a few videos around a year ago and this was the foundation everyone was talking about so I spoke nicely to my husband and ordered it.

Price: £30 for 30ml of product

Claims: Creates a naturally flawless complexion, on and off camera.   Medium to buildable coverage with a lighter weight formula.

How to use: If you would like sheer coverage you are best using a stippling brush.  For more buildable coverage, you can use a sponge to press and roll the foundation onto skin.  A foundation brush can also be used to layer it on.

What one pump looks like (it does come with a pump which is a big plus) and how it looks sheered out with my finger.  This is the shade R230 Ivory:

 

Ingredients: Cyclopentasiloxane, Aqua (Water), PEG-10 Dimethicone, Neopentyl Glycol Diethlhexanoate, Talc, Mica, Phenyl Trimethicone, Sodium Chloride, Lauroyl Lysine, Dimenthicone Crosspolymer, Methylpropanediol, Glyceryl Caprylate, Propanediol, Disteardimonium Hectorite, Sucrose Palmitate, Phenoxyethanol, Sodium Myristoyl Glutamate, Alumina, Cyclohexasiloxane, Proplene Carbonate, Pentylene Glycol, Sorbitan Sesquioleate, Evodia Rutaecarpa Fruit Extract, Tocopheryl Acetate, Glyceryl Linoleate, Aluminum Hydroxide, Glyercin, Parfum (Fragrance), Benzyl Alcohol, Benzyl Benzoate, Citric Acid, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Hyaluronate, Tin Oxide, BHT, Tocopherol [ /- CI 19140 (Yellow, Yellow 5 Lake), CI 42090 (Blue 1 Lake), CI 77007 (Ultramarine), CI 77163 (Bismuth Oxychloride), CI 77491, CI 77492, CI 77499 (Iron Oxides), CI 77891 (Titanium Oxide)].

Is this product cruelty free? In short, no.  Make Up Forever sell their products in china where the law states you have to test on animals.

Verdict: This is a nice foundation.  It is buildable and I love the fact is comes in 40 shades so it will suit most skin tones, however, it is not full coverage.  I would say sheer but can build to medium.  It is very comfortable to wear, no heavy feeling and no oxidation (on me anyway.) I do not think it is suited to my skin type (very oily). My face pretty much melts off within 2-3 hours.

Would I repurchase?:  This foundation is not for me.  You need to have very little imperfections on your skin.  I feel it is more suited to those who are on the drier side of skin types.  If that sounds like you though I would recommend it to you.  I’ve used it on a few others and it sat on their skin like a dream!

Pick’n’Mix – Mental Health

A little warning that this may contain triggers for some people.

My pick’n’mix for today is more of a release for myself.  I’ve stated before that I’ve been diagnosed with clinic depression and anxiety.  I’m feeling very up and down at the moment.

I don’t have many people in my life in the way of friends.  Most people who get to know me can’t stand me after a while (boo hoo I know but true none the less).  There are two girls which I can call friends, both accept me for me but only one of them I can really “open up” too.  I also have my husband, who is a saint! I’ve sent him to hell and back again and again and he’s always been their for me, no questions asked and no hesitations.  I’ve also two amazing kids.  I know every Mummy says that but they truly are, don’t get me wrong they’re hard work, I’m pulling my hair out on a daily basis but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  They’re worth every second!

I’ve tried to socialize.  Nothing ever sticks though…If by some miracle I haven’t backed out of a night out, I’m usually so much of an awkward bumbling mess that people can’t talk to me anyway.  I don’t really want to have lots of friends.  A lot of people who have been my “friend” have ended up being total dicks, turns out I don’t like people anyway.  I just wish I didn’t feel so lonely, makes no sense but I never did.

My day is usually just me and the kids at home.  My husband works nights so sleeps during most of the day.  We are also currently saving for a house and it’s only his wage coming into the house.  I haven’t work in around 7 1/2 years.

Trust me though I want to.  I want to contribute, I don’t want to be a dependent.  Between my mental and physical health (Fibro Warrior) I don’t know if it will ever be possible. I have my good days where I can bring the kids out and make some amazing memories with them. Then I have my bad days…days where my husband has to carry me home as my knee has given in or I’ve taken a panic attack due to too many people around me.  I don’t just sit on my ass though.  I’ve gotten a diploma in personal beauty and makeup artistry along with a diploma in gel nails.  I’ve also gained a few key skills such as working with others and communications.  It’s not a laziness thing with me even though a lot of people see it that way.

Where I come from (Belfast) mental health is a big taboo.  The mere mention of depression and your seen as a crazy person, or someone who has to suck it up and get on with it.  I’m not saying this is every single person, but it is a lot.  I hear of someone taken their own life almost ever other week.  Their needs to be more funding for help for those who need it.

If one of my family members came across this blog they’d tell me to take it down.  Things like this have always been brushed under the carpet.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m quite close to my mum, dad and sister.  I don’t go very deep though and I think at this point I couldn’t.  My closest friend once said to me it’s easier trying to get blood out of a stone than to get me to talk.  That always stuck with me, for a lot of different reasons. Ironically, none of which I’m comfortable talking about right now.

I’ve written pages like this before.  I’ve never had the guts to hit the publish button.  I always think people will just assume I’m looking for attention or pity.  I’m not doing either.  Just hoping this will clear a bit of fog up in my min.

If you’ve read to the end of this, well done!  This has been a lot of writing with no real point.  Thank you for taking some of your time to read it and especially if you don’t leave anything negative.

If your feeling low or depressed please talk to someone.  Take some of the weight of your shoulders and let someone else carry some, It’ll help.  It can be anyone, a doctor, a friend or even leave me a wee message (best getting me on Instagram though, still don’t really know how to use this thing)…having someone to listen can help more than you think.

 

More Rubbish!

Following on from my last empties blog, I’m going to change things up a bit.  I have two eyebrow pencils which are completely empty and i’m going to battle them out to see which is the better product.  This could work out rather well or I’ll be pulling my hair out in a few hours as I can’t get it written up the way I want.  Either way, lets give it a go.

The two products which I’m comparing are the Goof Proof Brow Pencil from Benefit and the Brow Artist Xpert from L’Oreal.

I have enjoyed using both these products.  They both glide on smoothly, they do not smudge over the face and are pretty to use.

Name: Goof Proof Brow Pencil

Price: £10.50 for 0.2grams of product

Claims: A 12 hour, waterproof formula which makes it super easy to fill and shape your eyebrows with its glide on formula.

How to use: Use the wide part of the tip to fill and shape your brows.  Build your colour with light strokes.  Use the pointed end to define the “tail” of your brow and then blend with a spoolie. Or don’t, I’m not the eyebrow police do what you like, this is just what it says to do.

This product is tested on animals.

Verdict: This is great product, I have never had a bad brow day with it.  This was a deluxe sample so there was little product in it and do not know I would pay £20 for the full size.  If you can afford that then go for it.  The packaging is very cute, light and practical.  There are a good range of colours (I used number 6). Other than price, I don’t have a bad thing to say about it.

Name: Brow Artist Xpert

Price: £5.99. I would include the grams of the product but I can’t find that information, another blogger stated it was 10g but that seems a lot to me.  I even asked an advisor on the L’Oreal site and they couldn’t tell me either.  You might not care but I like to include that information just to see if you’re getting your moneys worth.

Claims: The 1st retractable brow pencil from L’Oreal for perfectly defined, fuller looking brows.

How to use: Use the triangular shape tip for precise application then use the spoolie to blend the hairs into place

This product is tested on animals.

Verdict: For the price, you can’t beat this product. It’s not as smooth as some other pencils I have used, and do not roll it up any further than you have too or it will break.  It will still give you nice, natural brows with minimal effort.  The shape of the tip makes it very easy to make smaller strokes (that’s what he said) which I like as I don’t like my eyebrows so blockly looking.

So…who wins? Both these products perform great in my eyes.  I love the look of brows and the shape of the pencil.  Benefit wins on the packaging side, I lost the lids of the L’Oreal pencil after about two days.  L’Oreal wins on price, although I don’t know by how much cause I can’t find how much grams is in it.  Benefit wins in texture, it’s exactly as the name says, Goof Proof! L’Oreal wins in colour selection with 8 shades (Benefit has 6).

L’OREAL GETS IT! But not by much, if you don’t mind spending £20 on a brow product then go for it, you do you! If your like me and it would make you cry forking over the cash, the Brow Artist will not disappoint.  On the plus side, with the money you save you can always buy more makeup…or pizza! xx

 

New Products – ABH Subculture

So unless you’ve been living under a rock or have a life and not glued to the internet like me, you’ll know that this palette is creating a lot of heated debates.  Some claim that they have hit pan on their first usage, some claim that it just does not blend. I have even heard a few people say it has oxidized on them.  After reading and watching a lot of reviews I’m trying to keep an open mind.  I fall in love with the modern renaissance palette every time I use it so I still have high hopes for Subculture.

After receiving it today am I still as excited? Yes and no…

So, here it is…isn’t it beautiful!

First of all let me give you a few details about this palette.  I ordered it of http://www.anastasiabeverlyhills.co.uk on the day of release (24th July) and received it today (1st August).  I paid £42 and got free shipping as the site offers this if you spend over £25 (score)!  In this palette you get 11 mattes and 3 shimmers which add up to 7 grams of products.  This palette is cruelty free but some colours do contain carmine so it is not vegan.  It has a 6 months self life.

I swatched with the brush as I feel anyone can make a nice finger swatch but that’s not how you apply it.  It’s a nice brush, not scratchy but not really soft either.  Does the job.  I also used primer on my arm before swatching.  This also shows the wear down off these shadows, pretty impressive after around 8 hours wear time.

First Impressions:

Once I opened the palette i noticed two shades where slightly damaged. May not seem like a lot for most people but I don’t get to purchase much high products so it was a bit of a bummer.  I got over it though, first world problems an all that…

I’m not gonna lie, I was nervous to use this palette, I had very high expectations for it. After using the first few shadows though I quickly got over it.  The trick is DO NOT dig/swirl your brush into these pans. You’ll just end up with a dusty mess for no reason. The smallest bit goes a long way with these.  A simple tap into the pan is enough.  The pigment is just gorgeous.  You will need a setting spray/fix+ for the shimmers for their full potential but that’s true for most shimmers in my opinion.  No matter what you do you will get kickback, there’s no way around but it’s not as bad as everyone is making out.  I have experienced fallout with the shimmers (very minimal) but none for the mattes.

I did find most of these shadows fairly easy to blend. There was a bit of skipping with the purple shade (Rowdy) but other than that I had no problems.

I am really enjoying playing with this palette.  The colours are not like anything I own and I feel you can make so many different looks from everyday chic to all out glam!

I do not know if their has been a bad batch with this release or what the deal is.  Some of the reviews are exaggerated in my opinion, I feel that some reviewers are purposely digging into the palettes to jump on the bandwagon and add to the negativity.  I also feel that the company have been dealt with the backlash really well and Norvina (Anastasia’s daughter) has made so many public comments stating that they are trying to fix the problems.  I feel they dealt with things in a professional manner.

Based on what I’ve used today would I recommend this palette. Yes I would.  I feel the pigmentation and wear time is amazing.  If you are a beauty enthusiast/collector I think you will get a lot of enjoyment from Subculture.  I love the colours and I hope whatever issues there are, that the company can sort them soon.

Has anyone else dealt with any of the issues with this palette?  What do you think of the colour selection? Will you be purchasing when it comes back in stock?