Bit of a change of plan…

Originally this was just going to be a beauty blog.  Makeup has become such a great outlet for me so it made sense.  I have training as a makeup artist and love watching you-tube tutorials and looking at pictures on Instagram…

But truth be told I am sick, and its not just psychically.  No matter how many times I pick myself up and dust myself off, I fall again…at this moment I’ve fallen harder than I have in years.

Just like some of you who are reading this, I suffer from depression and anxiety.  This is something I am not very open about and not a lot of people know about.  I grew up in a place where this subject was brushed under the carpet.  It was never discussed.  There is such a horrible stigma around mental health, something that definitely needs to change.

At this moment I don’t know what I’m going to do next. I have no place in society and no real purpose.  I’ve tried many times to push myself, talk to people and gain some friends though most people who have ever been close to me have left.  So i’m coming to terms with the fact that I’ll be on my own a lot.

I’m not looking for attention.  I am not looking for sympathy.  I don’t want an out-pour of compliments and I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.

But, I do need an outlet.  The only thing that is keeping me going is my two kids and husband.  I have to try and fight this for them.  My kids did not ask to be born, it’s not far if they are not raised right due to me giving up.  My husband has taken everything I have thrown at him, and that’s been ALOT of crap.  He’s never left me. His been the only one that’s never judged and has accepted me for me.  I love the bones of the three of them.

(Don’t get me wrong, I get along with my immediate family too but they don’t know this side of me).

People say you can’t love someone unless you love yourself.  I call bullshit on that.

Anyway, I don’t have a plan yeat.  I would love to make you-tube videos but I also know that I couldn’t take negative comments at the moment.  I still hope to write beauty reviews, maybe upload a few looks but taking things day by day is probably the logical choice.

In the meantime if anybody is reading this and has a question or if you can relate and want to talk/vent/rant/ whatever, my email is:  g.griffin103@gmail.com.